Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
