That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
