Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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