You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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