i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
