Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
