does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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