Pappa wants mamma naked
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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