Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
