YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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