They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
