I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
