Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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