Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Sober January is a disaster.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
