thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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