if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
