Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
