i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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