Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
