guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
