Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize