just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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