she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
