I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
