he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
