I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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