2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
