Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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