dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She told me I should be a condom model.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
