Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
