i jhust puked up my retainher.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
