Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
