you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
