I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
