great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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