Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
