She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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