Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
