I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
