I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
