she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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