no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
