no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Randomize
