i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
