the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
