I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
