how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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