my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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