omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
