i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
