yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
