I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
