She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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