i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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