I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
