You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
