You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
