she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
