she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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