I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
